How To Encourage Open Communication With Your Tween
Have you ever met someone who is a true communicator?
You know, that person who ends MOST sentences in an email with exclamation points?
And their texts have TONS of emojis from start to end?
Do you notice how they love asking you questions and then listening to help you process through your thoughts, trials or life situations?
And they can’t talk without their hands?
If you answered yes to any of the above, then you likely know an “over communicator” 🙂
If the statements above describe you, then you are likely an “over communicator” and friend, you are in good company here!
I realized last year how much of an “over communicator” raising little “over communicators” I am.
Now please don’t take this post wrong, it can have its downsides also. One is not better than the other. With our girls changing emotions it’s becoming clear that it can be hard! Many of our conversations are well… long and often emotionally draining.
For the most part, I am focusing on being incredibly thankful God made me this way. I am trying to honor Him in it. I am starting to see some of the benefits of open communication that I have established with my kiddos so far.
But what if that is just not the way God made you? Then what?
He knows you perfectly, and chose YOU as the best Momma for your tween either way!
Just as I sometimes have to work to tone down my communication – yes, really! With your tween, you may have to work a bit to ramp it up!
Today I want to help you do just that.
Here are 5 keys to encourage open communication with your tween.
Let’s dive in!
#1 Yep, Prayer!
Of course you probably already know this one 🙂
Praying that God would give you the words to say. That He would bless you with the patience to handle her heart and give you an open heart to share with her. Also, praying for her heart to be willing to communicate with you. BTW if you are looking for some encouragement in praying for your daughter, I found an incredible website for Moms and Girls I Love this!
It’s also important to note praying with her. I believe having intentional times of prayer with your tween helps to cultivate a soft and open heart. Praying with them keeps our hearts humble. It shows them the areas that we need to work on and that we are not afraid to ask for God’s help with our struggles. It puts a quiet space between us both that only He can fill and helps establish God as the one to go to in all circumstances. On the other side, prayer with her also unites you both like nothing else in life. It’s a good thing all around!
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
#2 No Topic Off Limits
It may not be the most comfortable of positions to take with our kids, but in my heart it is necessary. The world isn’t afraid to tell them anything, so I believe we should not be afraid either. I want to be the go-to source for questions, even on the hard topics that I talk about here. By encouraging her at an early age to ask me whatever they want, I hope to set a firm foundation for discussing the harder life topics to come.
Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. 1 Thessalonians 2:8
#3 Ask Questions
Yes, as much as possible. When they’re little they will usually have about 10,952.4 answers for every 1 question you ask, but it establishes a great habit for your relationship as they get older and don’t want to talk as much. It won’t seem weird or uncomfortable that you are asking questions. They will be used to it. So ask away… even if you get an eye roll as they get older 🙂 This also teaches them that it is ok to earnestly ask God questions. Seeking Him all the days of their lives.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
#4 Listen Actively
It’s what we appreciate from them and I often forget how much they appreciate it in return. Listen actively. This means all the pieces to the puzzle. Eye contact. Stop doing. Ask questions. Repeat back things they say so that they know you are listening. This all goes a long way with them, especially in larger families or bigger groups when it’s harder to do.
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13
#5 Be Transparent
Not much more encourages us to open up then when someone is open and transparent with you. This isn’t any different with tweens. They appreciate knowing Mom doesn’t really have it all together and is not going to just pretend. They grow in empathy when they realize that you are battling something. They know what our real family looks like in the day-to-day vs the social media picture. Plus, they’re often quicker than we give them credit for so no sense in covering it up.
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13
Let’s get to it!
Being intentional in our communication with our tween is hard work. Heart work. But I encourage you to go for it! He is faithful. Always. In His ways and His time fruit will come. Note to self! Processing through these 5 keys to encourage open communication with your tween will help you establish a good foundation for future conversations with your child.
Most Moms I’ve talked to struggle some with what questions to ask. If that’s you, I’ve got just the thing for you! Join us Here for access to our FREEBIES HUB where you will find this printable tip sheet with example questions to ask your tween to dive into a deeper conversation with them!
Got it? Great! Now don’t forget to Pin it so you can have it on your phone too!
Now it’s your turn to share…
What is your top tip for communicating with your teen/tween? Yes, I NEED to know so drop it in the comments or email me!
P.S. Bonus question… How many emoji’s and exclamation points did this “over communicator” use in this post? I really did try to turn it down. Ha!
P.P.S. If you are looking to encourage your Tweens Spiritual Growth make sure to check out our new FREE resource Intro to Inductive Bible Study + Bible Art Journaling eCourse! If you want to grab a copy make sure to sign up through the link in this post!
Talk to you soon,
O Lord, You have pleaded the case for my soul;
You have redeemed my life.
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