Why I Talked To My 8 Year Old About Biblical Sexuality
“Mom, what does sexy mean? S-E-X-Y like that?”
She pointed to a hair styling product that promised more sexy hair with use. We were standing in line to check out of the shop. Her 6-year-old blue eyes looked up, piercing into mine.
Feeling completely inadequate and at a loss for words, I stood there.
By God’s grace, I managed to fumble through the statement …
“That means someone is only looking at the outside appearance, not at the heart as God does.”
She seemed satisfied and her little blonde curls bounced away.
But it hit me that day..
If I feel that inadequate when talking to her about a God-honoring definition of sexy, how in the world would I talk to her about biblical sexuality?
When should I have that conversation with her?
What would that look like?
As I began to pray about it, God faithfully provided direction little by little.
First, some like-minded friends shared their thoughts and experiences with me.
Then I picked up a copy of Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl by Dannah Greshs
WHAT? 6-10 years old?
The beginning of sexual curiosity can start very early in childhood. What many people of my and previous generations experienced is that sex wasn’t something that you talked about openly – or for sure not more than once. I do believe we should engage in conversation with our children, in appropriate, bite-sized bits, as early as possible.
It is a process, but we need to continue to be intentional in establishing open communication with our kiddos.
Yes, I do feel 12 -13 for me was too late.
At that age, how much had I already heard about sex from my friends and kids at school?
A lot. I had heard it all I think. No need to go on.
Was the one-time “The Birds and the Bees” talk really helpful to me?
Though I appreciate the heart behind it, it really wasn’t. It was unfortunately too late. And now even more than then, we live in an over-sexualized culture.
I really wanted to talk to our kids before the world does. And yes, that is something that other kids in the neighborhood, at public or Christian schools, church and homeschool groups can, and likely will talk about. No child is exempt entirely.
My next dilemma ..
I wasn’t taught biblical sexuality so how can I possibly teach it to our kids?I wanted to be the source of establishing a biblical foundation for them and answer their questions, but that wasn’t how I was taught so I felt, well, lost.
Do you feel the same?
Here’s some great news Mama!
God’s word + Parental Involvement = Powerful Weapon
I began to take small steps.
I began sharing what the bible has to say about sexuality with our kids at a young age. My saving grace? God’s word, prayer, and open communication. It has never been off-limits or hushed in our home.
“EWWW gross” has been said at times, yes, but I smile and we talk our way through it.
God has completely given (and continues to give) wisdom in how far to go in our discussions.
So much discernment has been discovered in asking them questions. Also allowing ALL questions from them, to come freely to me.
Our first two kiddos are very different when it comes to wisdom, discernment and the tenderness of their hearts (as are the others) so I have had to navigate carefully.
Our daughter in the beginning of this story is now 12 years old. Our 12, 10, 9 and 8 -year-olds, already know fully about biblical sexuality, pregnancy and childbirth and God’s design for men and women.
They have also been taught age and heart appropriate versions of the hard sexual topics (pornography, abortion, prostitution, sex trafficking etc).
Not all at the same time or in the same way because some have been more tender-hearted then our others.
Did I ever plan that even our 12-year-old would know about all of these things at this point?
Based on how I grew up No.
But the Lord has directed and I am trying to be obedient.
A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9
A Big Surprise
What has been really awesome to see is how God is upholding my insecure attempts to obey on this topic.
God seems to be growing a passion in our 12-year-old to reach other women, in hard broken places and share God’s love and His word with them. It is truly astounding to me.
God is truly astounding to me.
Back to those insecure attempts and feeling lost and inadequate…
If you are feeling like I did, I have some good news for you!
What I’ve shared so far is how I have been walking through this journey on my own. God has been gracious, and faithful and I am so thankful!
But the fact is that we all have children with different personalities and many different ages. This means I am always looking for more resources to help us in this area.
When I saw this study The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality by Luke & Trisha Gilkerson I was incredibly excited and knew I hadn’t seen anything like it! It includes 7 biblically based, well laid out lessons and is available as an e-book or in print on Amazon.
It has been an invaluable resource for us that encourages great conversations and allows me to teach what the Bible says on this topic.
It walks you through each step of the way. You can even read it right to your child if you aren’t comfortable, or teach it in your own words. If you are lost and don’t know where to start, or if you are looking for different ways to approach this subject, I feel this guide could be an excellent tool for you!
From the Author:
What information is included in this study?
- Lesson 1 deals with the differences between male and female (Genesis 1:24-27), giving children a simple understanding of their own bodies and the
differences between male and female sexual organs. (Line drawings of internal male and female anatomy are included.)
- Lesson 2 discusses God’s command for the human race to multiply (Genesis 1:28-31), giving children a basic understanding of sexual intercourse and how babies are conceived. (Line drawing of sperm and egg is included.)
- Lesson 3 addresses the development of human life in the womb (Psalm 139:13-18), giving children a picture of the wonder of how babies grow and are born. (Line drawings of fertilization, implantation, and a baby’s growth in the womb are included.)
- Lesson 4 deals with the intimacy that is created through sex (Genesis 2:18-25), giving children an understanding of the goodness of sex in marriage and how it creates a strong bond between a man and a woman.
- Lesson 5 discusses the sin of adultery (Exodus 20:1-2, 12-17), giving children a biblical understanding of why it is wrong.
- Lesson 6 addresses the difficult subject of rape and sexual abuse (2 Samuel 13:1-2, 16-14), reminding children of the importance of talking to their parents about anyone who touches them in an inappropriate manner.
- Lesson 7 deals with the importance of honoring God with one’s body because God has bought us with a price (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
Most of all, I want to encourage you that you are not alone in this!
Seek the Lord and His wisdom and if you’re led, use some of these fantastic resources available to us!
Take it from someone who has felt completely inept in this… All things are possible through Christ! You can do this. Really Mom!
Now that you made it this far, I’m super curious to know…
Which of these areas do you struggle with the most?
and if you have a secret weapon let’s share 🙂
What one tip do you have that I should add to my arsenal?
Send me a message or leave a comment. I can’t wait to hear what works for you!