5 Lessons I Learned From My Mom’s Unexpected Death

I still remember the way my knees felt. I have never, before that point, or thankfully since, been taken to my knees with such quickness.

• I remember the phone feeling like a ton of bricks.
• I remember hearing a cry… or a scream? and not being sure if it actually came from me.
• I remember the feeling of the cold metal chair that was kindly offered to me, once I could get back to my feet.
• I remember thinking why and what now?

Mother’s Day is coming up, or it will be here when this is published. Without rhyme or reason that I can tell, some years are harder for me than others.

This year is one of them. You see, I lost my sweet Mom in an unexpected car accident 20+ years ago, and my heart still aches.

But friend, I’m here to tell you that’s not the end.

God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” –Revelation 21:3-5

Mother’s Day Lessons From My Mom’s Unexpected Death

Mother’s Day hits differently when you’ve lost your mom. It’s a mix of gratitude, sorrow, and reflection. Over the years, God has used my mom’s unexpected death to teach me lessons that continue to shape my faith, parenting, and purpose. Today, I want to gently walk through these Mother’s Day lessons, not just as a way to honor her, but in hopes that they’ll speak to your heart, too.

Whether your mom is here or gone, or your relationship is complicated, this post is for you.

How to deal with grief after losing your mother?

Grief doesn’t follow a formula. It shows up when we least expect it, sometimes in waves that crash hard. I’ve lost many loved ones since my mom, but nothing quite matched the depth of that loss. If you’re asking God “Why?” right now, know this: He welcomes your questions. He sees your tears. And He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

Since that day, I have lost a step-dad, grandmas, and grandpas and loved ones. I have watched friends and loved ones – lose friends and loved ones. Some unexpected and some knew that the end was near.

It honestly didn’t matter so much the details. The pain was all-inclusive and extensive. What was different was the way people experienced grief. Everyone seemed to express it differently. Grief is personal, and YOU have permission to grieve. It’s ok and God wants you to be able to express your grief to Him.

In John 11, when Lazarus died and Mary and Martha were questioning Jesus, and saying if He hadn’t delayed, then Lazarus would still be alive.

“32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

As I read that, it hit me, didn’t I often say the same?

My version went something like… Where were you, Lord, during my Mom’s accident? Or why did you let that happen, Lord?  How am I supposed to handle this?

Then I read the next verse, 33 “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.”

Stick with me here for just a minute because this is important.

Troubled – The Latin and Greek words for troubled both express a MORE than ordinary inward trouble. It angered Jesus that because of sin there is death, and it raised in him these affections of compassion and grief. It reminded me that it is ok to grieve or be angry, or sad about death. And it is definitely OK (and good) to talk to God about it and ask for His help and grace to handle it.

The last verse that I read – the shortest in the Bible, packed so much into it for me …

35 “Jesus wept.”

Jesus, our Lord, here on earth as a man DID feel and experience what I felt about the grief and death of others, and it brought Him to tears. He DOES know and He CAN comfort me in it if I give it to Him and let Him help.

The next two Mother’s Day lessons I learned from my Mom

Be Authentic, Always

My mom wasn’t perfect, but she was real. That’s what stuck with me. She didn’t fake fine. If she was struggling, she said so. If she was celebrating, she shared that, too. Her honesty taught me that being authentic builds trust and deep connection, especially as a mom.

Even though she never met her grandchildren, I see her legacy live on every time I choose to be honest with my kids, even when it’s hard.

What our mothers teach us isn’t always spoken. Sometimes it’s in how they live and love authentically, even in the messy.

The Little Things Matter Most

If you’ve lost someone you love, you know how precious the small things become. I sometimes forget the sound of her voice, but I remember her laugh. I remember the way she wrote notes, her favorite candies, and her love for pug dogs.

A few of my memory triggers:
• Cordial cherries
• A Geo Tracker
• Notepads
• Pug figurines

Those “little” things mean more now than ever. They encourage me on hard days and remind me to slow down and notice the details in my own motherhood journey. She was always my biggest cheerleader. That’s one of the greatest Mother’s Day lessons: the little things are the big things. And by God’s grace, I do my best to remember, think of, and pass on these “little things” to my children as well.

Be Intentional With the Time You’re Given

This one should be labeled a lesson I’m learn-ing. Our time on earth is a gift from God, and it flies by. I remember I planned my mom’s 40th surprise birthday party, not knowing those last two years would be all we had left. Now I’m over 40 myself, and that perspective hits hard.

Time is a gift. We don’t know how many days we have – but we do know we’re called to use them wisely.

Ephesians 5:15-16 (ESV) says:

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”

I don’t always get this right. But I’m learning to be intentional with my time and to teach my kids to do the same. Life is short, but it can still be deeply meaningful.

I want to continually recognize time as God’s gift and redeem the time He has given me and teach our children to do the same. My Mom’s unexpected passing continues to push my focus to the Lord in this.

Lastly, I have learned

God Is Sovereign

Sovereign = He is in control of all. He IS all and is IN All. There is nothing outside of his control. God knows all things past, present, and future. He has full knowledge. God knows everything, in all detail, before it happens.

I admit. That sounded good- until it came to losing my Mom. I had to wrestle with that for some time. I wanted answers, assurance, and to see His plan. My human mind wanted to understand something that only an all-knowing God knows.

I prayed and wrestled some more.

If I believed that God is good and He truly loves me, If I believed that He works ALL things out for good for those who love Him, then I had a choice to make.

“Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!”
-Romans 11:33

There are things I may never understand on this side of heaven. But I know He is still good. Still present. Still loving. And even when I don’t see the full picture, I can trust His heart.

What Lessons Do We Learn From Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day isn’t just a celebration – it’s a teacher.

It reminds us to:
• Hug the people we love tightly
• Say “thank you” often
• Let go of old grudges
• Celebrate the women who raised us
• Pass on what matters to the next generation

We learn that a mother’s impact lasts long after she’s gone. We learn that her voice, values, and faith echo in the lives of those she touched.

Why Is a Mother Important in Your Life?

Mothers shape more than just childhood. They shape character, faith, and family culture. They show us how to love, sacrifice, and forgive. And if they’re gone, their legacy lives on in how we live.

If you’re a mom reading this: what you’re doing matters. The little things. The faithful things. The hard things. God sees it all.

If your mom is still with you, call her today. Hug her tight. Tell her what she means to you.

If you’ve lost your mom, friend, you’re not alone. God sees your grief. And I pray that even in the pain, you feel His peace.

What Life Lessons Have You Gained From Your Mother?

I’d love to hear from you. What life lessons did your mom teach you? How do you honor her today? Are you grieving and need prayer?

Please let me know in the comments below, send me an email, or share in our Imperfect Moms Private Facebook Group. I’d be honored to pray for you.

Embracing the Life Lessons This Mother’s Day

Motherhood has shown me that life is fragile, but also full of purpose. And through the loss of my mom, I’ve learned to lean into God’s strength, treasure the small things, and love without hesitation.

If this Mother’s Day is hard for you, please know: you’re seen. You’re not alone. And you’re held by a God who understands grief, who welcomes your questions, and who can use every season – even sorrow – for good.

Take the time to reflect on your own Mother’s Day lessons today. Whether you’re remembering, missing, celebrating, or grieving – you are loved!

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