The replay starts as soon as you lay down to go to sleep.
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The look in those little eyes – ugh that face.
How did that battle even start?
Why did I scream at my child?
Why couldn’t I just bite my tongue?
I thought today was going to be better.
Will I ever be able to control this anger, frustration and irritability ?
If any of these ring true for you, friend, I feel you.
I am often an Angry Mom
I am not going to write you today to give you 5 tips to overcome anger – (although I do hope I have a couple of weapons to assist you in your battle)
I can’t even tell you that because I have been there AND am there, I know the way for you to beat anger “once and for all”.
This is not an I have conquered this battle kind of letter.
It is an I am right-here-with-you-in-the-midst-of-it kind of letter.
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I don’t know about you, but it’s been a process for me to get here. I don’t remember battling anger until after our kiddos were born.
They just have a way of stretching and drawing out of you what you didn’t even know was there – the good and the bad … But God always knew.
For a long time, I lived in the “comfort” of the lukewarm. I would admit I was having trouble controlling my anger, but it was something I just accepted. Taking it upon myself to, so-called, deal with it or just call it a bad day.
Then my lukewarm pot started to get a little bit more uncomfortable.
“OK Lord, I know I have trouble controlling my anger and I need help”
But that was the extent of it. I would admit it, but I wouldn’t actually change any of my behavior.
I believe there is a line that we must cross. We need to admit we have a sin issue with our minds & mouths, but also allow our behavior to break our hearts. I needed to be grieved over my anger, to loathe my sin and my living in it.
It wasn’t until I was actually convicted of my behavior that I sought the Lord AND started to take steps to change.
It is important to remember what conviction is NOT. Conviction is not the same as condemnation. Conviction draws you close to the Lord, condemnation always draws you away from Him.
Guilt, shame and their buddy anxiety are not conviction.
“As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” 2 Cor 7:9-10
Being convicted took away my excuses. Although I tried to hang on to them and often still do.
The kid’s behavior was SO bad today.
They wouldn’t listen any-other-way.
My hormones are out of control (yep still are!)
But I am with my kids 24/7 – like pretty much since they were born – #truestory
Enter the… BUT GOD.
HE is bigger than IT ALL. HE will help.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” Galatians 2:20
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper . . . I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you” John 14:15–18
Getting out of the lukewarm pot.
If you’ve been floating in the pot for any amount of time, I want to encourage you to take a step.
Step.Whether you have fleeting feelings guilt or no feelings at all about they way you handle anger.
I thank you that we can come to you today. We bring our sin battles to you. Please help us, Lord, to lay them at your feet. Help us to truly let them go. Release our grasp, soften our hearts, even though we may not want to.
We pray you would give us your eyes to see. That you would show us why we should loath this sin of unrighteous anger. I pray against my own selfishness to act how I want. May I experience a godly grief over my anger that leads me to true repentance. Help me, Lord I pray.
In Jesus name. Amen.
Maybe you’re already at the convicted point. Now what?
Well, yes, prayer also. The first step is the same if you have been convicted and are working through God’s way of handling anger.
I have a couple of tips and tools to share that have made the biggest impact on me in this battle.
Everything I have read has agreed that you need to create a space between the trigger and your response. Like when people say “take a deep breath” or “take a time out”. Those, although good for some people, don’t seem to work for me.
Instead, I make a space & combine my second tool together by reciting my anger verse. Choose a verse that convicts you to follow God’s way instead of your own. Recite that verse as many times as needed!
Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. Genesis 4:7
Know your roots. What are the triggers for your anger? Why does it anger you? Do you feel disrespected? Ashamed? Unloved?
I encourage you to dig in deep and get to the roots. Do this in prayer and digging into the word. A study on just the word Anger in the bible? Or you could look at the verses that show the effect of unrighteous anger. Maybe look at what righteous anger is. Just get in scriptures!
Lastly, I pray again asking God to help me see or even just a quick one to close my mouth! He is so faithful when I actually give the reigns to Him instead of me doing what my flesh feels like.
I have found three resources that have been incredibly helpful to me – and I have read lots.
The first one is free and is an in-depth look at the character of the sin of anger as well as all of the “7 deadly sins”. I have to warn you it’s, let’s say, convicting. I was heavily pressed in all 7 areas and I didn’t even think I battled some of them! ugh, pride comes before the fall. It’s on the Desiring God site and its called Killjoys. Free Download.
The next book deals a lot with helping you get to the roots of anger and the practical application side. He does a fantastic job of bringing to light roots of anger that I didn’t know existed. He also gives you tools and suggestions for the battle. The book is called Losing It – A Christian Parents Guide To Overcoming Anger by Luke Gilkerson. I highly recommend this book! Just an FYI it is an affiliate link but I chose to become an affiliate after I read the book.It was that helpful to me and I hope to you!
My last pick is so comprehensive that it will take your hand all the way through! My friend Kathie of The Character Corner created an incredible course to help Moms handle anger Biblically. She takes you step by step through your triggers, negative thoughts and lies, preventative steps, how to handle anger biblically and much more! This ecourse was fantastic! Take a good look at all the course has to offer. No, it is not just one more thing, she goes deep into your battle against anger and helps set you up for success and a more peaceful home!!
We must remember that even though our battles with sin will continue until we get to heaven, we don’t have to be chained to them or ruled by them while here on earth. We can’t do it in and of ourselves, but we have a Savior who is greater!
Yep, I’m going to get all cheesy with you.. let’s say it together..
ALL things are possible thru Christ who strengthens me!!
Now that you know my story, I would love to be a listening ear for yours! Send me an email with where you are at in your anger + faith journey. I will respond and pray for you.
Maybe you’re a few steps ahead of me.. leave your wisdom in the comments..seriously you have some to share 🙂
Oh and if emotions and believing lies about yourself is your struggle, I hear you! Don’t forget to sign up for our Encourage Community. You’ll get access to our FREEBIES Hub including “40 Scripture Truth Cards” to help you battle those lies!
I can’t wait to hear from you!
Talk to you soon,
O Lord, You have pleaded the case for my soul;
You have redeemed my life.
*Please note: Affiliate links used in any of our posts are personal to us. We must use and love the products we recommend to you, our amazing community!We have to believe that they will serve you in order to recommend them.*