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I was called into her office.
Standing there, I couldn’t help but notice how cold everything felt. It was impersonal and gray.
But this was the moment I had been waiting for. I wanted to know if I actually had a chance at this modeling thing.
Could I make the cut?
She eyed me up and down.
“I think you could do well around here with some of our smaller clients. But if you want to pursue the bigger agencies you are going to have to lose all of that weight.“
I knew I had gained a little bit of curve just by growing into the awkward age of 13, but “lose all of that weight”?
I really didn’t understand.
She assured me that one of the instructors at the agency would talk to me about a diet. She would help me start a plan to lose the weight.
With that, I was shooed out the door.
I was 13 years old, 5’8, and 123 lbs.
And those words never left me. They have lasted a lifetime.
What does God say about losing weight?
From there stemmed a few years of off and on binging and purging. I wanted to lose some weight and make sure I wasn’t “getting fat”. But self-control was not my strength.
Not being a believer at the time, I checked my heart at the door. My value was found in my outward appearance so I wanted to keep that “under control”.
My “failed attempt” at modeling was soon traded in for attention-seeking. I wanted continual validation from whoever would give it to me. Just please tell me I’m not fat and that I am “pretty enough”. Slowly I quit the binging and purging. But that too was a trade-off.
Instead, I clung to every fad diet and diet pill under the sun. Or I just didn’t eat much of anything at all.
I wasn’t overweight that that point. But I was miserable.
Now looking back I see. In some of the darkest pits of my life emotionally and relationally, I looked the “best” outside according to the world’s standards.
So how could I reconcile that?
Life hit fast forward.
I had 4 kids in 5 yrs and my body and body image were a mess.
By God’s grace, I came to the point of truly wanting more of Jesus and less of me in all areas. He began to move and show me that even as a Christian, I had no heart and body image connection.
God did an amazing work in my heart during those years to bring me to an understanding of my identity in Him. I knew my worth wasn’t dependent upon my outside appearance. I am valued, loved and cherished because of Christ in me.
But even so, weight loss as a Christian was hard!
The pressure to lose the weight after each kid was too much for me. I gave up the scale for fear of not having the right heart. I didn’t want to end up measuring myself constantly. We haven’t owned a scale in years.
And yes, I did end up losing that baby weight eventually – but then came baby #5 and I didn’t.
I was stuck and I finally wanted to know what God was saying about losing weight.
But instead, I just struggled along. My biggest struggle was often against my own flesh and I’ll realize once again my heart is not right…
Sometimes I want to control my weight but in the same breath, I don’t want to do anything about it.
I try to convince myself I can be someone who just eats whatever she wants and doesn’t worry about it.
I do want to know what the Bible says about overeating, but I also don’t.
Hard work and exercising self-control in this area are NOT things I look forward.
And yes, in an instant, I can flip it all on its head and decide I want to be in control of it all with “quick loss diets” and make my goal only my outward appearance.
I struggle with balance. Heart and Body Balance. Balancing Christian weight loss vs just wanting to lose it anyway I can.
And without balance I do nothing. Do you know that feeling too?
Friend, I’m tired of doing nothing. I’m tired of the weight. I’m all done clinging to it all with white knuckles. I decided to let go and ask better questions.
Can I pray for weight loss? If so, I wanted to know how.
What does the Bible say about Christian weight loss plans? Are there Bible verses for losing weight?
I do want to know and I will
I’m going to learn how to do it with a healthy Faith and Food Connection.
A Heart and Body Balance to honor THIS body as God’s temple!
Full Disclaimer here – I need as much help as I can get. I can NOT do this on my own and I’m not going to pretend I can anymore. I’ve wasted years trying it on my own!
This is where Faithful Finish Lines comes in!
It’s an Online Healthy Eating & Fitness Program for Christian Women. It’s headed up by my amazing friend Sara of The Holy Mess and Becky of So Very Blessed who have both experienced losing 100 pounds and keeping it off. They also share a heart for helping others find freedom in Christ by building faith and a healthy lifestyle!
They are real women who are in the trenches with us facing the battles of former food addictions, fitting exercise into busy schedules, owning up to our body image issues… friends they get it.
If it’s weight loss, body image or the connection between faith and fitness that you struggle with like me, I highly recommend Faithful Finish Lines.
Not sure it’s a good fit? Join the FREE Mini-Course!
Join the 5 Day Challenge for Christian Women Called Grow Your Faith, Lose The Weight. Sign up today!
So what do you say? Are you with me? Let me know in the comments below!
See You There!