This post may contain affiliate links. Read our disclosure policy for more info.
Parents: I’ve put together this post to help get the conversation going with your tweens and teens as part of the Raising Godly Girls series. Have your tween/teen read this and then talk about it together.
Raising Godly Girls: Avoid These 4 Problems You Experience When You have Sex before Marriage
Imagine your wedding day… I’m sure you have a few times. Will it be in a church, outside, or maybe on the beach? What type of dress will you wear?
We all have thought about it or maybe even pretend played our wedding day.
It’s an important goal for many of us, and somehow on a deeper level, we’re always on the search for our prince.
Even in school, we might not want to admit it, but deep down in our hearts, we want the boy to choose us. Maybe we get frustrated by the pretty girl (you know who she is). She’s the one the boys always flock to, and she makes us feel bad about ourselves.
We think maybe if we do something, the boys will notice us.
How Do We Try to Get the Boys to Notice Us?
Did you know that you’re right in the prime years when boys start to notice girls? The years when we start to do things that we normally might not do, all because we want the attention of boys?
We might:
- Pad our bras
- Wear tight shirts
- Put on short shorts
- Even start to wear makeup
We might tell our parents that our friends are doing it too, but the bottom line is we want to be noticed.
Sometimes, I might even say things I wouldn’t normally say just to get the attention of others (mainly the boys).
Why Are We Acting Like This?
I think if we’d look into the deepest area of our hearts, it’s because of fear. We don’t want to be the only girl without a boy liking us. We don’t want to be alone. Most times, we feel more worthy when we have a boy liking us.
It’s a fierce competition, perhaps you never looked at it before like this.
The bottom line is: we all want to be loved.
The problem is this is a slippery slope. Over time, as we reveal more and more of ourselves, the more we lose ourselves. Over a short period of time, the short shorts and a tight shirt isn’t enough, so we need to go much further.
Let me give you a real-life scenario.
What Happens When We Put Our Worth in Boys?
Katie likes James, but James has his eye on another girl in class. So Katie starts wearing more revealing clothes to try to woo James. She definitely gets his attention when her shorts get shorter.
Overtime and a few years later, Katie needs to ups her attention-grabbing techniques and moves towards offering parts of herself to the boys around her.
See why this is a slippery slope?
Katie could end up:
- Having sex before marriage.
- An unplanned pregnancy and having to raise a baby while she’s trying to grow up too.
- She could get a disease and be plagued with that for the rest of her life.
- Not being able to say no to sex.
- She may attract the wrong guys and never end up with her “prince.”
As you can see our actions can cause many problems further into the future.
Finding our Worth in God
What if Katie decided to act herself (the way God designed her)?
Katie still likes James but decided that she wasn’t going to follow the trend that the other girls were doing. She wore stylish clothes, but being modest was important to her (she had an older mentor who helped teach her about being a godly girl).
Overtime in high school, Katie caught Paul’s eye, and she stood out to him because she was “different” from the other girls. Katie had a great faith and was filled with God, so she didn’t have to find her worth in boys.
Isn’t this what we’re really asking ourselves: how much am I worth? When we look at the world, we will constantly need to fill ourselves. Jesus is the only one to fill us up completely.
The best part of the story: Paul fell in love with Katie, and a few years later they got married. They had a happy marriage because they decided to refrain from sex before marriage.
So, which scenario do you prefer?
Here’s why it’s important to talk about these issues with your parents or another Christian mentor before this happens to you.
.png)
How to Get the Conversation Going with Your Parents
I know it’s intimidating to talk about these issues with our parents. Can I share something with you? God thinks sex is beautiful. He gave it to us to enjoy in marriage. It’s a gift for marriage.
Your parents want to give you good gifts too. Raising godly girls is important to them, so swallow the lump in your throat, let the nerves go, and just talk to them. We can’t succeed if we don’t have a goal or plan.
Start with this passage together:
(Hebrews 13:4, NLT).
4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
Discuss the cause and effects:
Why we should wait for marriage and what happens when we don’t.
Here’s why it’s important to wait till you say I do with your prince:
- God tells us sex belongs in marriage.
- He blesses sex in a marriage.
- Sex can’t fulfill us outside of marriage.
- It’s a realistic promise to wait and God will bless it.
- Less heartbreak, and we will be more mature in our emotions.
What happens when we have sex before marriage?
- Unplanned pregnancies.
- Diseases and Illnesses.
- It doesn’t honor God, ourselves, or our future spouses.
- God will hold us accountable and judge us.
My wedding day was years of planning since I started when I was a little girl. I remember dreaming about my prince and the way he would look at me when I walked down the aisle in my sparkly white gown.
He would have eyes only for me and me for him. I am the only girl he has had sex with. Waiting till marriage grants us the biggest blessings.
FOR THE BOY MOM
Have you considered how Autism will affect your child’s faith? If you haven’t, you really ought to! Jill Camacho of Autism Homeschool Mama Shares three ways to encourage and reinforce your child’s faith in God.
∞ ABOUT THE AUTHOR ∞
Julie Loos is the mom of 5 kids and has been happily married to Greg for 17 years. She loves to read, eat chocolate, drink iced tea and spend time writing in the midst of messes.
It’s not just sex before marriage, it’s about intimacy before marriage. To girls, sharing parts of their soul and much of their time with another is what fuels intimacy. Many girls think that there is no other way to attract a guy than to GIVE him something of herself. This mentality leads to sex before marriage and many other relationship tragedies. Then they wonder why their boyfriend still doesn’t care about the relationship. Guys are designed to chase a prize. If you are giving yourself to them for free, you are no longer a prize. Make them work for it. Your desire as a woman is to be pursued as much as it is his desire to pursue you. And for the record–you CAN find the One without selling yourself for cheap. Don’t EVER give yourself away for free.
The benefit of this is that now that I’m married, I can call out the man in my husband that God shows me he really is.
That’s a very good question to start asking yourself: What are you really worth? Also, Do you really trust God to have the very best plan in mind for you?
Hi Tia!Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! There’s a lot wisdom in your comment 🙂 I love the end questions too of focusing on our value and God’s sovereignty in trusting His plan for our lives. Those are great things to think about. Thanks so much for visiting!
It’s vital for girls to understand our worth in Christ so we don’t go about trying to gain worth through anything else.
Yes, Susan! Exactly!! Thanks so much for stopping by!