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Have you ever known a bossy girl? If not… Hi, I’m Amy, and I’m a bossy girl. 😉
Maybe you are a bossy girl like me. Maybe you have a bossy daughter in your home, too. If not, you likely have been on the receiving side of a bossy girl somewhere in your life.
Today I am going to let you in on the secret life of bossy girls.
And… I want to start a conversation with moms of bossy girls who are also Raising Godly Girls.
The Secret Life of Bossy Girls
When I was growing up my report card always said, “Talks too much.” (If you know me, that is no surprise, though).
You know why I talked a lot? I was seeking validation. I wanted to be heard.
I wanted to know that someone was willing to listen to what was important to me. Yet, I was seeking approval from the wrong place. God was always listening, but as a child, I didn’t yet know how to hear His voice.
As I grew up, I quickly saw that taking charge of things would help certain things to be done well. It was less about seeking approval but protecting my efforts because I didn’t feel my work was respected.
My family was happy to let me take the lead to make sure things got done. Sure, they teased me about being opinionated, but they didn’t seem to want the leadership role.
The funny thing is that no one seemed to mind.
Most of my co-workers were thrilled that someone else was willing and able to serve on a committee or organize an event. I was just happy that things were not being neglected until the last minute.
Even my husband (who will tell you himself is equally as stubborn as I am) has zero interest in being the ringleader of our home. Those are my shoes to fill (and I can assure you they aren’t dainty ones).
The thing about bossy girls is that they are strong leaders who care about what happens. God made our hearts to care deeply about things being done well (or the way we think they should be).
Let’s think about that for a minute:
Bossy Girls show:
- Concern for things to be done correctly
- How to set and communicate clear goals
- Communication Skills
What a powerhouse of skills to have, right? I know many adults who are striving to use all of these skills as well.
And why is that? These skills get things done.
The reason that “bossy” girls get a negative label is that there is ONE key missing ingredient, and we will talk about that next.
What type of leadership do you want to cultivate when raising Godly girls?
We have established that our bossy girls have some great leadership skills. As the parents, we have the opportunity to guide her to be a Godly leader.
When you have a daughter with strong leadership skills, prayerfully consider how you guide her to use her leadership skills.
Be warned, though: Tell a bossy girl that “She can’t…” and watch the rebellion flourish.
My parents learned that the hard way when I was 16 years old. I was told in front of the new guy I was dating that I was not allowed to see him again and was grounded. I was SO embarrassed and felt disrespected. No, I didn’t even tell my parents when I stopped seeing him because (SHOCKER)… they were right. My stubbornness and need to be respected kept me grounded for 2 weeks longer than it has to be.
As ridiculous as that sounds, that is a key to working with bossy girls. They need to feel validated and respected to hear your loving guidance.
What do bossy girls have to do with raising Godly girls?
Just because a girl is bossy, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need her leadership skills to be nurtured.
When we can show our bossy girls how to use the Fruits of the Spirit in how they use their leadership skills, our bossy girls become Godly Leaders.
What if instead of shaming girls for being bossy, we validate that something is important to them?
Could we talk to them about what makes a good Godly leader?
Maybe we teach them to choose to use the Fruits of the Spirit in their leadership behaviors.
Imagine how powerful it would be when raising Godly girls to help them see they were created to use their leadership for good in their family, their home, and the world?
I have 3 daughters, and each of them is blessed with strong opinions.
I don’t call them bossy.
I tell them that God gave them great leadership skills that He will use for His purpose in their lives.
God created some of us to be strong leaders. We know we can’t accomplish much on our own, so we seek out a team to help us make the world a better place together.
We want to be valued, our efforts to be validated, and our opinions to be respected – even if you don’t agree with us.
Raising Godly girls means lovingly shifting your daughter’s bossiness into strong leadership skills that God will use in her life.
Raising Godly Girls as Godly Leaders
If you happen be raising Godly girls with leadership skills, here some ideas to connecting to her heart using the Fruits of the Spirit as a teaching guide:
1) Validate how she feels with love and gentleness.
Even if you don’t agree, let her know that you hear what she is saying. Just knowing that someone cares and hears you goes a long way when emotions run deep.
2) Communicate respect with your own self-control.
3) Have patience as she adjusts from her bossy behaviors into her new leadership.
4) Show her your faithfulness in God’s use of her leadership skills as you find ways her leadership can serve as the good in your home and family.
5) Show her your joyful heart for her efforts, not her accomplishments.
6) Teach her how to lead in peace by using these exact steps in her own leadership roles.
When bossy girls use the Fruits of the Spirit in their leadership, those bossy girls grow up to be strong women of God.
Now, I want to hear from you.
Have you ever thought to teach leadership skills as part of raising Godly girls?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
ARE YOU A BOY MOM?
There is no doubt we live in a society dominated by self. How challenging it has become for parents to raise their kids as God-fearing, healthy adults in light of the culture we face today. We have a remarkable calling as parents to raise our boys to see God’s true identity for them.
Join Nina of ninahundley.com for the Raising Godly Boys Event as she shares: Raising Godly Boys: Cultivating Identity.
∞ ABOUT THE AUTHOR ∞
Amy Michaels is dedicated to helping busy moms find focus, joy, and balance in mom life – especially those moms running a business. She shares time-saving tips, clever ideas, and the BEST products for moms at ThoseCleverMoms.com.
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Yes, such an excellent point Jeng thank you for sharing your heart in this!!
Jeng Cruz says
Having a bossy daughter is an early sign of leadership. And in my opinion to make her Godly is to teach her how to follow. I believe although some of us are born leaders, we are all born to follow Christ and we have that all in us. And so as a parent, you have to ignite that follower inside and teach your daughter that to be a good leader, you have to be a good follower.